Oops!
Most parents would never intentionally sabotage their child’s education; they want to help their kids succeed in school. For special education parents, that drive to help their children obtain appropriate services to address their kids’ disabilities is even more intense. But what so many well-intentioned parents don’t realize is that their action (or inaction) may unknowingly sabotage their child’s education. Here are just a few pitfalls parents of special education kids can fall into, and how to avoid them.
Signing Documents They Don’t Understand or Agree With
At my daughter’s first IEP meeting, the school team handed me a 30-page IEP document and expected me to sign then and there. I did not understand what was in the document or how it would help my daughter with dyslexia learn to read. When I expressed my concerns, I was told “that’s just what we offer everyone, and we can’t start helping your daughter until you sign.”
I hear similar accounts from so many parents and clients every day. Too many parents think they have to accept whatever the school district offers, even if they don’t understand what services the school is offering or, in some cases, removing services just to keep other services in place. Sometimes parents think they can sign now but change their minds later. That is not often the case, particularly when trying to reinstate services that have been taken away. The bottom line is: Do not sign anything you do not understand or agree with. Period.
What should parents do instead? If you do not understand something in your child’s IEP, don’t sign it. You do not need to sign the IEP at the IEP meeting. I recommend taking the document home and thoroughly reviewing it to make sure it accurately reflects all your concerns, your child’s needs, and that the goals and services offered make sense. If you completely understand and agree to what is written down, then go ahead and sign. You will not lose anything by taking a day or two to carefully review and consider the contents of that IEP document. If you have revisions, submit them to the school team. If you have unanswered questions, don’t be afraid to ask for a follow-up meeting or, at the least, submit the questions in writing. Always remember that parents are equal members of the IEP team, and you are entitled to have all your questions answered.
What should parents do if they don’t agree with everything in the IEP? What some parents do not realize is that they can agree to the parts of the IEP and not with others. For example, a parent may agree with the IEP goals and proposed services but feel that the service minutes are not sufficient. When a parent agrees with parts of the IEP but not all, the parent may “sign with exception.” When parents sign with exception, they agree to the IEP but then parse out those items with which they do not agree. Just remember, you need to list out all the things you do not agree with so that it is clear to all IEP members.
Signing with exception becomes even more important when the school district is trying to remove services. What can parents do if the school team decides their child no longer needs a particular service (Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, transportation, etc.)? If parents don’t want that service removed, but otherwise agree with the IEP, they can sign with exception. In essence they can say, “we agree with the IEP, but we don’t agree that this service should be removed.” This point is crucial for parents to understand, as it is much harder to get that service reinstated once it has been removed.
Failing to Document EVERYTHING
Often times, parents will ask questions or voice concerns about their child’s educational progress on the phone or in person. Parents can and should have these conversations with their child’s providers. But how do they prove the conversation occurred or what was said? The short answer is they can’t.
I’ve heard many angry parents say, “it took years of asking the school for help to finally get my child’s IEP.” My first question is always, when did you submit your first request for an IEP evaluation in writing? That’s when the parents say, “but I’ve been calling my child’s teachers for years; doesn’t that count?” No, it doesn’t. If something isn’t in writing, your attorney or advocate cannot prove that it actually happened. Without proof that you asked for your child to be evaluated for special education eligibility, parents cannot prove the district violated the law requiring the district to conduct the evaluation.
What should parents do? It is best practice to communicate with your child’s school personnel in writing. You need not prepare formal letters and send them certified mail; as a general matter email is sufficient. That way you have a record of what you said and the response (or failure to respond). Just make sure you keep a copy for your records. Parents can also submit written concerns prior to their child’s IEP meeting.
If you discuss a matter with your child’s school over the phone or in person, follow up with a confirming email. A confirming email can be a great way to not only document your conversation, but also to follow up or clarify an issue to be sure you understand.
Waiting Too Long to Get Help
When you have a child with a disability or suspected disability, waiting is the worst thing you can do. No parent wants their child to have a disability, but ignoring concerns and “hoping it will get better” puts your child at such a disadvantage. If your “parent-gut” tells you that your child may have a learning disability or needs more support in school, ask for the evaluation right away. Do not be dissuaded by school staff. You know your child better than anyone else.
A lot of parents don’t know their rights when it comes to IEPs and services. Some school teams are very good at giving parents the run-around or telling them what they want to hear but never committing to services in the IEP. All too often, parents seek out an advocate or attorney after years of back-and-forth with the school over lack of progress on goals, not receiving appropriate accommodations, or improper reading instruction. Seeking help and guidance right away is the most efficient and effective way to obtain proper services for your child.
Often cost is a barrier for parents who need guidance. There are plenty of reputable free and low-cost resources available to families. Beware of seeking advice on social media groups or from other parents. I see discussions on Facebook parent groups everyday that contain inaccurate information. More importantly, every child has his/her own individual needs. What worked for one family may not work for another. Parent groups are a fantastic resource for support and referrals to professionals that can help you; but beware of taking legal advice from strangers on the internet.
If you have questions about your child’s IEP or need help navigating the special education system, I’m here to help. Schedule your consultation today!
Never miss a blog post! Sign up for the Newsletter.